Stephen V. Roberts, Writer
Stephen V. Roberts, Writer
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June 2008
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06/20/08
Farewell, hello- The complete irony
Filed under: General
Posted by: Steve @ 8:25 am

I’ve been in one place now, for more than 10 years and I’ve developed some good relationships throughout my town, developed a very high comfort factor. I can go into my town, talk craziness in the bookstore with other creative crazies like myself, and go about my business as normal. It’s good to have eclectic friends and I think that’s one of the things I’ll miss the most about this place- INTERESTING conversation.

 

Over time, I’ll have neighbors attest to my eccentricities: the seat a top a 15 foot totem(a tree depleted of all its branches) with a recorder in winter to gain perspective, the planting of a rose bush in a dead tree stump to symbolize life from death, the cemetery neighbors I walk amongst to “feel” the fragility of life, the weekend chess games in my basement drinkin and smoking till 3am, the generation of music oddities in the same room (dubbed the dungeon), and the occasional drunkin rant and storming of the town walls.  In order to “see” we must sometimes step outside our comfort factor- climb a tree, swim in icy water, or go on a trip to nowhere.

 

Change comes- its part of life- and we must all understand malleability is part of it. I’m excited, yet nostalgic. It’s not like I’m making a radical move states away- I’m only an hour, so I do have the flexibility of coming back to say hello. I think I look forward to the fact EVERYTHING will be new, and I’ll no longer be “stale” from the taste of old surroundings. Nature is abundant, and city is close by. I’ll have the best of both worlds. I’ll have retreats and material…. plenty of it. I’ll be a newborn, where simple things like the flow of water will bring a taste of the unknown.

 

I’ve been bombarded with all the moving stuff lately, I haven’t had time to focus much on the feelings I have about this place and the people I’ve come to call friends. Today, I felt a little of that- a little nostalgia. Leaving all you’ve come to know is always a bit difficult, but alas, we must trudge through the muddy waters to swim in the clear springs. Tears come and flow… but are ok.

 

For those of you, who have come to visit me these few days, or weeks, or years- I thank you. I’ll have plenty to keep my occupied on a temporary basis, but I’ll be back in full force before ya know it, with a whole new world. When I return I’ll be my old self with an abundance of good to share with ya all. So bare with me, and I’ll return ta ya two fold. Be well, and BE productive!

 

Steve

Funk Thunder

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06/16/08
Chezzzz Roberrrrr
Filed under: General
Posted by: Steve @ 9:51 am

This took place last evening, and was lost in the craziness- refound- enjoy

 

Yesterday evening we were lucky enough to be served a lovely dinner by my 11 year old daughter and 7 year old son. They planned this big evening where they were going to be both waiter and cook and serve us dinner like it was a restaurant. They told me to set up a make shift door so they’d have privacy in the kitchen, so I tacked up a sheet to the molding of the doorway, and voila- “insta-door”

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After the dining room was cleaned up (which is a rarity in itself) - all things being shuffled off to their bedroom floor I later discovered- the handwritten menus came out, and sat on placemats at the table. My menu was designed by my son and my wife’s designed by my daughter- the eldest. It was titled “Steve’s Menue” and although it was largely created by Shane, it was partly written by Brianna.

 

Anyways, here’s how it looked (on white, lined, partly torn paper), spelling as seen:

 

Steve’s Menue

 

Refreshments

 

Dinner

 

Desserts

 

So, when it came time to order (after multiple arguments between my kids on who was doing what), Brianna came out and pleasantly asked us, “Welcome to our restaurant today, we have several things you can choose from- can I start you with an appetizer or are you ready to order? We have some wonderful bread.”

 

Sidenote: Earlier in the evening when the kids were out playing I cooked Sloppy Joe’s and a loaf of French bread as a precaution.

 

By this time, I was absolutely famished and ready to eat whatever was given me, if was toadstool surprise- it’d be gone….. “Yes, I’d love some bread and butter and the Witer and maybe you can explain what the main courses are. What is Steakcom, crazy crasher and sand monster?”

 

My daughter looked confused and looked to the kitchen, “one minute,” she said to me then disappears behind the bed sheet and an argument ensues on WHAT these things were. The cook emerges with the waiter and they both start to tell me- the Steakcom is a Steak Um’s (BURNS waiting to happen….)- the Crazy Crasher was some sort of crazy mix of things on cinnamon bread, and the Sand Monster was bread & butter with a graham cracker, raisins, and a fruit roll up combined (uhhhh- would you?). “Let me take the Crazy Crasher,” I say. “What are these desserts?”

 

 Ice Soom- coffee ice cream, chocolate chunk was a chocolate chip cookie with a dusting of chocolate dust and some melted chocolate chips and Demand Surprise- he tried to tell me, but by that time I just wanted to eat and Chocolate Chunk sounded good.

 

Sidenote 2:  probably 3 weeks earlier, Shane had made a “Cookie concoction” which consisted of a chocolate chip cookie and white icing dyed blue with food coloring in a concentration which turned my teeth and lips blue……

 

“Ok, for now, just get us the entrees and we’ll order the desserts when we’re done.”

 

They disappear and my daughter reappears with the cut up loaf of bread with butter on the side. DELICIOUS… best part of the meal…. The second entry- the Crazy Crasher is served by Shane. I went to look under the cinnamon bread and was told it was a secret by my son. (Should I trust a little man who a few weeks earlier turned my teeth blue?? I don’t know….. guess I’ll have to.) I take a big bite and started to carefully chew… “yes, there’s lettuce on this sandwich, a pretzel which I partly bit into along with a cheeze-it – hmmmm, crunchy…” He looks to see my expression and I nod with approval (it really wasn’t that bad).

 

Excitedly he tells me, “do you taste the skittle?”

“No,” I said.

“I grated it like carrots on to the sandwich.”

I laughed, “I’m sure I’ll taste it soon enough.” Surely, I got to it ½ way through the sandwich… interesting, I must add.

“Now, what do you want for dessert?” they ask.

“I’ll take the chocolate chunk,” and off they disappear.

 

No sooner did I finish my sandwich, a chocolate chip cookie appeared in front of me with a dusting of Nesquik and about 4 chocolate chips around the plate. Next to it was a small METAL pitcher of gewy partly melted chocolate chips. IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: PARENTS, ALWAYS tell your kids NOT to put metal in the microwave- they denied seeing any sparks and there was no fire started soooooooo- lesson learned on both sides.

 

It was a delightful meal, especially when I asked for a side dish of a Sloppy Joe sandwich to accompany my entree- but the combination of the elements couldn’t help but make my stomach queasy. They did do the dishes and left the kitchen in good shape, so I must say with all said and done:

 

A for performance, A for presentation, A for imagination, and A belly of iron created.

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06/04/08
The Flying Dutchman- Funk Thunder song
Filed under: General
Posted by: Steve @ 7:43 am

Well, in my daily juggle, I found time to upload this AWESOME song- something we did over a year ago. It’s on our myspace player and is a great tale of the Flying Dutchman, a ghost ship which warns sailors of pending disaster. It supposedly sails of the Cape of Good Hope in Africa.

I’ve blogged the lyrics at www.myspace.com/funkthunder today. It’s interesting how things come about. I won’t detail it here, just check it out…. I can’t think of a better marriage between lyrics and song (and now an illustration, also listed there).

Hope all is well. I’ll return to blogging regularly after my relocation takes place later this month. Probably be September before it’s a steady thing. Until then: stay well.

Steve

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06/01/08
The Steve & Shane comedy minute
Filed under: General
Posted by: Steve @ 3:52 am
In my family, we suffer from severe cases of the “munchies”. Raised with a great appreciation for “sweets” (and having a mouthful of fillings to prove it) , it’s something which has genetically mutated in my children to the point of a daily chocoholic “fix”. Last night had a “run in” with Shane, the Sweet Barbarian.
 
After a short visit to my friend Steve’s and a couple of beers, I entered my home with a ravenous appetite. I walked straight to the kitchen to look for snack, while Kathy was on the computer. We held a conversation between rooms, while Shane watched the computer game Mom played with interest. As we chatted, I eyed a lone cookie on the kitchen counter carefully placed in a sandwich bag. I figured it was the last of an earlier batch and thought I’d “clean” the kitchen counter by eating this newsome piece of sugar. No sooner had my teeth hit that chocolate chip cookie, was I shot a look of horror.
 
The crumbs stuck to the edges of my lips as I mouthed the words, “what?”
 
Her eyes froze me instantly. They moved rapidly to Shane who stood behind her. Her neck made this slight flinch which to me indicated I was in DEEP trouble. Shane saw this expression because I remember him repeating my earlier expression- the universal word so important to the English language: What?
 
Handed in like some guilty criminal, the crumbs layered on my face like falling stucco on a wall, I turned my back to rapid footsteps from the dining room sent to investigate. I heard Shane’s laugh and a poke on my back, “what?” he said cluelessly. I tried to demolish what remained in my mouth. My hand jittered with a half loaded baggie.
 
Note: Two days earlier I was reprimanded from my son for finishing the LAST cookie, which was HIS and set aside for a later snack. How could I have known history would repeat itself?
 
Well, I had no choice. I turned around.. crumbs ALL OVER my lips and the opened sandwich bag.
 
“NO!” he screamed. Then like the few days earlier, he kicked the floor and began to cry.
I exclaimed, “Shane, I didn’t know! You still have half the cookie!”
 
He stormed off only to be coddled by his mother. His emotions shaking her into the typical motherly response: “It’s ok Shane, we’ll just make a new batch.” Well……. the following is where it gets entertaining:
 
The smell around the house got pretty damn good, so good I thought I’d take a trip to the kitchen to grab myself a drink and possibly a new goodie. I found the following in the process of being finished- direct from the fingers of my son:
 
One large Chocolate Chip Cookie with layered toothpicks- spikes (probably10 projecting from the cookie) being topped off with red magic marker to represent blood. One large paper sign secured to this cookie with a toothpick anchor written by Shane with the cold words, “Do not Toch!!!”
 
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