I hadn’t planned on writing a blog this morning, until I advanced my travel calendar to today- the last day of the year. On December 31st, 2008 I read a quote by Leonardo Da Vinci- “Every now and then go away and have a little relaxation. To remain constantly at work will diminish your judgement.”
Well, it’s my first day off work for awhile. Through the Xmas season, which really got underway about the first to second week of December, I’ve had only two days off. It’s really repeled my desire to communicate with people. In such a small time, when you’re bombarded by people in both treatment of problems and salesmanship, one’s bound to resist and attempt -in a slow down -to simply talk. Lately, I’ve had no desire to deal with people. True, I started enthusiastically, as I always do. I love people, I love talk, but on a retail scale during the holidays- it truly becomes a job. When you twist personalities from every genre, every sex, every race into one crammed session of selling, it takes a point of decompression to regain yourself. A few days off is perfect.
Granted today, although off is not a “retreat” day.. you can’t actually get away from people on new years. I’m definately not an introvert and I do enjoy the company of people, friends, family- but lately- even I want to shut down the world to rest. I think I’m in need of the January “let down” to just recooperate.
There are two times I reevaluate myself and the beginning of the year is one of them. Nobody kicks my ass like my ego, which has been boiled down over the years to something inside a shrivelled little shell of a cranium. BUT every January and every August it’s like the grinches heart.. it grows into this big old monster who beats me relentlessly and attempts to move me to action. Usually, it’s pretty successful.. gets me planning at least. My problem is focus- always has been.
I call myself a professional juggler. I juggle numerous projects and although it some times takes me forever to complete one- I do it with style. I care for kids, I work a part-time job, I want to make a small screenplay into an art film, I have to work on music for a movie, I want to work on our third CD, I need to attend a pitch conference in New York, AND I MUST complete a re-edit of my manuscript which I will try in vain to sell this year (in addition to completing my current manuscript). Hmmmm, seems kinda a lot. Feels like I spin a lot of wheels, not really going anywhere… like I’m in neutral and gunning the gas.. makin lots of noise, but going no where.
Well, in the grand scheme of things, I feel all things lead somewhere and although I’m not sure exactly HOW I’m gonna get there. I’m confident the place will one day show itself and I’ll seize it. Being knocked down and dragged out, humbles you. I’m really ok with my position, even if it’s sort of floating from project to project. I sometimes wonder if this is what I was meant to do in life- be a project floater. Send out info over these invisible lines of communication, to set small fires on which heat will be built. Fires are built from sparks and should I be the flint to make the fire light, it’ll be so.
For this new year, I’ll continue to write and work my projects and be happy I’ve had the opportunity to share in this, as Louie Armstrong says “wonderful life”. Happy new year readers AND bless ya all.